 |
Journal | Friends | Calendar | User Info | Memories |
Vicarious Living
Hmmmmmn, inspiration driving Shinobu has gone dangerously dry. Why now when she's only a month away from hitting her one-year anniversary at Paradisa? Brb, throwing her up for losses that need volunteer victims, harr. Maybe I need to get the girl in a loss of her own sometime soon. Bah.
Oh yeah, dropped both my OC games if you haven't noticed. I am just no good at sticking with OCs anymore. I wonder what this says about my writing ability, orz.
Current mood:
blank.
I have two days including today to decide if I still want in at
![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
castawayed. The choice I'm leaning towards is making me sad. I know I have more important things to work on in real life, but giving up on RP endeavors still weighs heavier on my heart than it should. Hmm.
Current mood:
exanimate.
ritualemods is pretty much dead. castawayed has been slow. Somehow I get the feeling it's not going to recover. Maybe it's the stress of job hunting talking, but I think I'd be okay with it. It's harder for me to keep up with solely log-based games anyway, and who knows how I'll be able to handle RPing when I do land a job. Wouldn't be surprised if I had to cut one game, and castawayed is fun but more work compared to my other games. Lol, guess I'm really not cut out for OC games anymore. Le sigh. But I'm a little under two months shy of my first Paradisa anniversary, which would be an accomplishment because Orochimaru's Agenda was the only other game I stayed in for over a year, so I'm sticking with it. Romdeau's too slow to be an issue, and I think I'm getting attached to ProjectVerde. The fun, friendly OOC chat helps.But no need to be thinking about dropping games yet. Occasion for it hasn't risen. I'll wait it out. See how things go and such.
Current mood:
okay.
Lololololololol, why am I so stupid nervous to check ProjectVerde's e-mail? I guess I'm really expecting to be rejected that badly. Geez, when did I get such apper's fright? I am so dumb.
[Few minutes later.]
Well. That wasn't so bad. Ah-hahahahahaha, this must be my paranoia kicking in. But oh wow, five games now. I haven't been in that many in a while now. I mean, I do have more time right now, but lol, it still feels nice to be deeper in the RP scene again.
Although, I'll be job-hunting soon. I hope when I do land one, I can keep up with all my games. O.O
Current mood:
anxious.
Re: Paradisa
I wish I didn't fail at RP as hard as I do. UUUUUUGH.
Edit, Sep. 18, 2:42 a.m.: But hey, I finally manned up and revised the problem areas in my ProjectVerde app. Here's to hoping it's good enough to be accepted this time around. Although I worry that they'll be reluctant to accept me because, according to the zero replies to Noa's Fourth Wall post, I am incredibly boring. Cripes, I hope that has no bearing on my acceptance.
Current mood:
disappointed.
So so.
Two very long parties the past two days + After-party burnout + Big Paradisa plot event = ?
Give up?
No creative capacity to reply to third-person tags ever. Or at least right now. No good. Especially when I have some waiting. Last thing I want the other players to think is that I'm bailing on them. GAAAAAH I want my brain back, kthxbai!
Edit, 7:19 p.m.: Okay yay, most pressing tags done and replied. Maybe since I'm on a sort of roleplay roll -- ha ha, the redundancy -- I should try revising Noa's ProjectVerde app. Key word of course being "try," hurr. But at least I found a dressing room to stick him in to slowly bring the muse back or whatev. I'm not usually a dressing girl, but they're harmless fun if you find one that works.
Mandatory futile wishing that I could find a Zed to bounce off of goes here.
Current mood:
blank.
YES turned in my
castawayed app about an hour ago. Whew, is that a load off my creativity's shoulders. But wow, do I feel like a racist jerkoff for helping to force the Caucasian PB cap because I couldn't not make TV!Tobias "The Loner." It's too much of a coincidence that this happens the one time I don't app a Filipino character to an OC game. These posts are rightfully making me feel guilty for not just my current choice of PB but also for copping out and only playing characters of my own race, which so happens to be Asian. And that brings up all this "model minority" guilt and confusion that I still haven't figured out yet either. Just GAH. Am I really so racist without realizing it? I don't mean to, but at the same time I hesitate to play characters racially out of my comfort zone. My ignorance and hesitation only make me part of the problem.Le sigh. Crappy person/RPer is crappy. Pathetic that I can't be any more articulate than a tired meme. >.<*
Current mood:
guilty.
Yeeaaaaah, looking up celebrities' pictures makes me feel immensely skeevy. Especially when looking up ones I have or have had crushes on. Am I weird or what?
Edit, 6:35 a.m.: Okay, so finding good Christopher Ralph pics as Tobias is surprisingly stupid hard. It makes me feel less creepy lol, but dag friggit I need pics for my
castawayed app. Which -- huzzah! -- is actually almost done. All I have left is the history section, but bah. I predict that giving me problems in the next day or so. OTLRandom but in ways related to this entry and RP in general. Somebody apparently RPed Christopher Ralph on LJ. It kind of made me want to simultaneously vomit and die inside. X.x;;
Edit, 7:06 a.m.: Oh geez, I am so tempted to buy this because good TV!Tobias pics are that hard to find. $2.50's not all that expensive anyway, and lol trip down memory lane.
Speaking of. My Google image search brought up a naked-except-for-a-strategically-draped-C
Current mood:
embarrassed.
castawayed application is coming along very slowly, but at least it's coming at all. (Oy vey, can that be taken so very wrong.) I'm worried that this means I don't know the character I'm creating well enough to put into action. That's what happened with Jo and paradigm_mods. I was in love with her concept, but I didn't know her enough to play her as a person, which made her incredibly hard to play off of anyone except her best friend Noah. I can worry about that with any of the characters I RP, but at least with existing fandom characters I have a canon resource to refer to if I'm feeling iffy about my characterization. Not so with original characters. I'm pretty much left to my own creative devices to determine if I'm Doing It Right. So yes, as I work on the app's personality section, I worry.Well. Ain't that funny. I meant to write a blurb about how I felt like a poser putting Green Day tunes on repeat for ah, inspiration because my character's descriptive premade quote is from "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Although, I've actually always liked that song because lol sad songs call to me. But still. LAAAAAME. So says the girl who swears by Trapt's music.
PS: Christopher Ralph is still hot.
Current mood:
confused.Current music: Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
Why am I not asleep?
And why has the possibility of apping at
castawayed plunged me into the embarrassing depths of my teenage celebrity crushing? Oh yeah, because I insist on apping Christopher freakinghotTobiaswhydoyoustilldothistome Ralph as "The Loner." That then led to my watching half of the cheese-tastic Animorphs TV series for ahem, "research" that was really more or less my ogling and blushing whenever human!Tobias was on-screen. And now I need to look for decent-sized and quality pics of him for my app which is even more embarrassing because Googling actors and such makes me feel really creepy. That led me to this creeptastic to the sideways eight power website Teen Idols 4 You, only they didn't have anything of Christopher IwillnevergetoverhowhotyouwereasTobiasOMOh. And while I'm on the topic of celebrities, that Taylor Momson chick frightens me like a banshee. She's so blond and pale and plasters herself with makeup that makes her look like a 30-something wash-up going through a mid-life crisis when she's only like what, 15? And yeah, I realize saying that makes me a beeyatch, but that's all I think of whenever she comes up. She seriously scares the crap out of me.
Current mood:
Why is there no "creepy" mood?.